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unit 2 16 unity and coherence_图文

Unit Two Writing Effective Sentences
Chapter Sixteen Unity and Coherence

Question:
What are the fundamental qualities of effective writing?

Four fundamental qualities of effective writing: Unity, coherence, emphasis and variety
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Unity and coherence in sentences help to make ideas clear. Emphasis makes sentences forceful. Variety lends interest.

1. Constructing unified sentences
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Unified sentences are the sentences in which the ideas are clearly related and the logical relationship is obvious

Example 1: Ununified: Last night Bob broke his arm, and he lost his car keys. Unified: Last night when Bob broke his arm, he lost his car keys and therefore could not drive himself to the emergency room.

Example 2: Ununified: Even the white men took the prophecy seriously, they built the tree up with earth and put a concrete wall around it, the tree would not fall. Unified: Even the white men took the prophecy seriously, for they built the tree up with earth and put a concrete wall around it so that it would not fall.

In-class Activity: P182 Exercise 16.1

2. Unifying sentences to fit a controlling idea
A unified paragraph requires: 1) A topic sentence with a well-phrased controlling idea. 2) Then a series of sentences to support the controlling idea. What is important at this stage is as follows: a. place the most important ideas (that is those which directly support the controlling idea) in the independent clauses b. put the relatively less important ideas( those which do not directly support the controlling idea) in the dependent clauses or other modifying constructions.

Example:
Topic sentence: Choosing a job is very important to young Chinese students. Supporting ideas: 1. Some high school train boys and girls for jobs. 2. Other schools provide a general education. 3. Most of the young people work hard and do well at school. 4. They fear that they may grow up to find no job waiting for them.

Question: How to unifying sentences to fit the controlling idea ?

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To fit the controlling idea, you will combine 1 and 2 in a proper way: Some high schools, instead of providing a general education, train boys and girls for jobs.

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For the same reason, you will put 3 in the independent clause and 4 in the dependent clause. With a little rewording, you can combine them in this way: Most of the young people work hard and do well at these schools for fear that they may grow up to find no job waiting for them.

The revised paragraph: 1] Choosing a job is very important to young Chinese students. 2] Therefore, some high schools, instead of providing a general education, train boys and girls for jobs 2] And most of the young people work hard and do well at these schools for fear that they may grow up to find no job waiting for them.

In-class activity: P185 Exercise 16.2

3. Two common errors to be avoided in unified sentences:
3.1 Sentence fragments Definition: A sentence fragment is not a complete sentence, but a art of a sentence written and punctuated as a complete sentence. Fragments may be dependent clauses, phrases, or any other word groups which violate the accepted subject-verb pattern.

Examples: Fragments
The old man sitting under the tree. Because he has received a letter from home. The worst job of all, cooking Father ‘s meal to suit him. The book borrowed from my friend. The reason he didn’t come.

Sentences
The old man was sitting under the tree. He has received a letter from home. OR: He is happy because he has received a letter from home. The worst job of all was cooking Father’s meal to suit him. The book is borrowed from my friend This is the reason he didn’t come.

Ways to revise fragments:
1) Make it a part of the complete sentence Examples: (Note: Fragments are printed in italics.) Fragment: Henry smiled self-consciously. Like a politician before a camera. Revised: Henry smiled self-consciously, like a politician before a camera. or: Henry smiled self-consciously---- like a politician before a camera.

Fragment: Although grocery price are still high. Food is plentiful. Revised: Although grocery price are still high, food is plentiful.

Fragment: Food being plentiful during this season. Prices are declining. Revised: Food being plentiful during this season, prices are declining.

Fragment: Bob tries to call home once a week. To stay in touch with his family. Revised: Bob tries to call home once a week to stay in touch with his family.

Fragment: To be a complete sentence . A word group must contain at least a subject and a verb. Revised: To be a complete sentence, a word group must contain at least a subject and a verb.

Fragment: The table was loaded with vegetables. Such as lettuce, carrots, spinach and squash. Revised: The table was loaded with vegetables, such as lettuce, carrots, spinach and squash.

Fragment: These are oranges. That my sister shipped us from Carolina. Revised: These are oranges that my sister shipped us from Carolina.

2) Make it into a sentence.
Fragment: Henry smiled self-consciously. Like a politician before a camera. Revised: Henry smiled self-consciously. He looked like a politician before a camera.

Fragment: She turned a suit-case into a bed and put the children inside it. Covering them with all the clothes she could find. Revised: She turned a suit-case into a bed and put the children inside it. She Covered them with all the clothes she could find.

Fragment: The whole village has been working day and night. Gathering and threshing this year’s crop before the September rains. Revised: The whole village has been working day and night. They have been gathering and threshing this year’s crop before the September rains.

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In-class Activity: P188 Exercise 16.3

2) Make it into a sentence. Fragment: Henry smiled self-consciously. Like a politician before a camera. Revised: Henry smiled self-consciously. He looked like a politician before a camera.

Fragment: She turned a suit-case into a bed and put the children inside it. Covering them with all the clothes she could find. Revised: She turned a suit-case into a bed and put the children inside it. She Covered them with all the clothes she could find.

Fragment: The whole village has been working day and night. Gathering and threshing this year’s crop before the September rains. Revised: The whole village has been working day and night. They have been gathering and threshing this year’s crop before the September rains.

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In-class Activity: P188 Exercise 16.3

3.2 Comma splices and fused sentences 1) Comma splices or comma fault Comma splices or comma fault occurs when independent clauses have a comma between them but no coordinating conjunction.

Examples: ? Human nature is seldom as simple as it appears, hasty judgments are therefore often wrong.
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My friends kept on offering me cigarettes and cigars,they made no effort to hide their amusement whenever I produced a packet of sweets from my pocket. Many people have realized the importance of quality education, our government is starting to advocate quality-oriented education.

2) A fused sentence or run-on sentence A fused sentence or run-on sentence occurs when
the independent clauses have neither punctuation nor coordinating conjunctions between them. Examples: Human nature is seldom as simple as it appears hasty judgments are therefore often wrong. Many people have realized the importance of quality education our government is starting to advocate quality-oriented education.

Five ways to revise:
1) Use a period and write two sentences: Original : Human nature is seldom as simple as it appears. Hasty judgments are therefore often wrong. Revised: Many people have realized the importance of quality education. Our government is starting to advocate qualityoriented education.

2) Use a semicolon: Original : Human nature is seldom as simple as it appears; Hasty judgments are therefore often wrong. Revised: Many people have realized the importance of quality education; our government is starting to advocate qualityoriented education.

3) Use a comma and a coordinating conjunction: Original : Human nature is seldom as simple as it appears, and Hasty judgments are therefore often wrong. Revised: Many people have realized the importance of quality education, and our government is starting to advocate qualityoriented education

4) Subordinate one of the clause: Original : Because Human nature is seldom as simple as it appears, hasty judgments are therefore often wrong. Revised: Because many people have realized the importance of quality education, our government is starting to advocate qualityoriented education.

5) Reduce a clause to a phrase or even a single word: Original : Hasty judgments often overlook the complexities of human nature. Revised: The realization of the importance of quality education results in the government’s advocating of quality-oriented education.

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In-class Activity: P191 Exercise 16.4

4. Coherence
A coherent sentence is one that is integrated, consistent, and intelligible. Coherence is important in sentences as well as in paragraphs.

4.1 Two basic problems
1). Faulty use of modifiers The modifier: A word or group of words that limits or clarifies the meaning of another word.

a. Misplaced modifier Examples: Misplaced: I bought gasoline in Florida at a small country store which cost $ 10.25. Clear: At a small country store in Florida, I bought gasoline which cost $ 10.25. Misplaced: The farm house stands at the riverside which is surrounded by green bamboos. Clear: The farm house which is surrounded by green bamboos stands at the riverside

b. Squinting modifier: a modifier that refer to either a preceding or a following word. Examples: Squinting: Jogging often relaxes her. Clear: Often, jogging relaxes her. or: It relaxes her to jog often. Squinting: The football player who shoots most often gets the Mr. Football of the Year. Clear: Often, the football player who shoots most gets the Mr. Football of the Year. or: The football player who shoots most gets the Mr. Football of the Year often.

c. Dangling modifier: Dangling modifier is a modifier, primarily verbal phrase that dose not refer clearly and logically to another word or phrase in a sentence.

Ways to correct dangling:
I. Rearrange the words in the sentence to make the modifier clearly refer to the right word. II. Add words to make the meaning clear and logical

Examples: Dangling: Hearing the good news, my mood was filled with joy. Clear: Hearing the good news, I was filled with joy. OR: After hearing the good news, my mood was joyful

Dangling: Instead of watching TV, a novel was read. Clear: Instead of watching TV, Jane read a novel.

Dangling: To enter the house, the lock on the door was picked. Clear: To enter the house, he picked the lock on the back door.

Dangling: When confronted with these facts, not one word was said. Clear: When confronted with these facts, nobody said a word. OR: When they were confronted with these facts, not one word was said.

Dangling: When standing on the top of the hill, the beautiful sight of the small town can be seen. Clear: When standing on the top of the hill, I can see the beautiful sight of the small town. OR: When I stand on the top of the hill, the beautiful sight of the small town can be seen.

Dangling: Taking the wrong book, the class cannot begin. Clear: Taking the wrong book, I cannot begin the class.

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In-class Activity: P197 exercise 16.5

5.Faulty parallelism
5.1 Definition: Construction are parallel when a word matches up with a word, a phrase with a phrase, a clause with a clause, and so forth. That is ,when they are in balance.

5.2 Classification:

1) Paralleled words and phrases
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Examples: People began to feel faceless and insignificant. He is a husband and a father. She had no time to be human, no time to be happy The politician is concerned with successful elections, whereas the statesman is interested in the future of people. It does not do to live in memories, in regrets for good old days, or in sadness about friends who are dead.

2) Paralleled clauses: Examples: ? What we say and what we do somewhat seem out of joint. ? Top soil, once blown away, can never be returned; virgin prairie, once be plowed, can never be reclaimed. ? I don’t know where to go and what to do. ? What the teacher requires is not what we like. ? On hearing the news, he was angered, and I was saddened.

3) Paralleled sentences Examples: ? When I breathed in, I squeaked. When I breathed out, I rattled. ? The danger of the past was that men became slaves. The danger of the future is that men may become robots. ? The love of liberty is the love of others; The love of powers is the love of ourselves. ? In Plato’s opinion man was made for philosophy; in bacon’s opinion philosophy was made for man.

5.3 Faulty parallelism Faulty parallelism disrupts the balance. It occurs when paralleled ideas are not expressed in parallel construction.

Ways to revise:
A. Repeat a preposition (by, in, on, etc), an article (a, an, the), the sign of the infinitive (to), or the introductory word of a phrase or clause. Examples: ? Faulty: The artist is a painter and sculptor of marble. ? Paralleled: The artist is a painter and a sculptor of marble. ? Faulty: They passed the evening by eating and observing the crowds. ? Paralleled: They passed the evening by eating and by observing the crowds. ? Faulty: To say that some truths are simple is not say they are unimportant. ? Paralleled: To say that some truths are simple is not to say they are unimportant. ? Faulty: There might be some people in the world who do not need flowers, cannot be surprised by joy, but I haven’t met them. ? Paralleled: There might be some people in the world who do not need flowers, who cannot be surprised by joy, but I haven’t met them.

B. Use paired coordinators (both…and; either…or; neither…nor; not only…but also; whether…or) to connect paralleled construction. Examples: ? Faulty: We judge our friends both by what they say and actions. ? Paralleled: We judge our friends both by their words and by their actions. ? Paralleled: We judge our friends both by what they say and by how they act. ? Faulty: Petroleum is used not only to make fuels but also in plastics. ? Faulty: Not only is Petroleum used in fuels but also in plastics. ? Paralleled: Petroleum is used not only in fuels but also in plastics. ? Faulty: Whether you vote for or are against us has no affect on the situation. ? Paralleled: Whether you vote for or against us has no affect on the situation. ? Paralleled: Whether you are for or against us has no affect on the situation.

C. Avoid and who, and whom, or and which unless they are preceded by who, whom or which Examples: Faulty: Susan is a woman with an open mind and who is cool-headed. Paralleled: Susan is a woman with who is an open mind and who is cool-headed. Paralleled: Susan is a woman with an open mind and a cool head. Faulty: He bought her a hat made in Paris and which was hand-made. Paralleled: He bought her a hat made in Paris and made by hand. Paralleled: He bought her a hat which was made in Paris and which was made by hand.

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In-class Activity: P 198 Exercise 16.7 After-class Exercise: P195 Exercise 16.6 and P199 Exercise 16.8


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