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I was raised in the West


Women have a much better time than men in this world. There are far more things forbidden to them.Oscar Wilde Men are all alike - except the one you've met who's different.Mae West Al

ways forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.Oscar Wilde Don't get suckered in by the comments— they can be terribly misleading. Debug only code.Dave Storer Submitted by Dylan Woodward I never fail, I simply succeed in finding what does not work.Mitch Hedberg I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.Groucho Marx A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.Rudyard Kipling Any American who is prepared to run for President should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from every doing so. Gore Vidal. It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.Woody Allen Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. Russell Baker. A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.Bernard Shaw If people don't sit at Chaplin's feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting. Herman J. Mankiewicz Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.Brian W. Kernighan You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. Al Capone. There's nothing more restful than taking orders from fools. If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.Woody Allen

A hard man is good to find.Mae West Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste. Wes Smith. Submitted by Jackie Fiorini If there was a clone of me, with my same looks and act, she would be my worst enemy.Jackie Fiorini Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.Ann Landers It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar.Jerome K. Jerome If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in. Bradley's Bromide. See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?Will RogersTo his niece on seeing the Venus de Milo. Stop thinking, and end your problems.Lao Tzu I was always unlawful; I broke the law when I was born because my parents weren't married.Bernard Shaw Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.Ronald Reagan A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.Groucho Marx Dr Donne's verses are like the peace of God; they pass all understanding.James I. Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?Homer Simpson Painting is the art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.Ambrose Bierce. You cannot have everything. I mean, where would you put it?Steven Wright. Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work.Will Rogers Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

Submitted by Jason Wahby There are two things that are infinite in this world. The universe and human stupidity, I'm not really sure about the earth. My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing will begin in five minutes.Ronald ReaganUS president during radio microphone test. Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.H. L. Mencken A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. Peter De Vries. By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. Charles Wadsworth. Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. Aristotle. Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.George Bernard Shaw Love may be blind, but it can sure find its way around in the dark!Author Unknown They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.Mark Twain Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.Katharine Hepburn Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.Ivana Trump. I was married by a judge - I should have asked for a jury.George Burns Picasso is a painter, so am I; Picasso is Spanish, so am I; Picasso is a communist, neither am I.Salvador Dali bug, n: An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect. The activity of debugging, or removing bugs from a program, ends when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed.Datamation, January 15, 1984

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.Rita Rudner The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.Groucho Marx I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.Groucho Marx Adding manpower to a late software project makes it laterF. Brooks, The Mythical Man-Month. Bureaucrats do not change the course of the ship of state. They merely adjust the compass. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. Robert Frost. Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.Josh Billings Any political party that includes the word 'democratic' in its name, isn't. Patrick Murray. Write something, even if it's just a suicide note.Gore Vidal. One man's folly is another man's wife.Helen Rowland This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.George Burns. I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem. A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.Spike Milligan. They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twentyone, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.Author UnknownOften erroneously attributed to Mark Twain. When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. Mae West

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.Joan Rivers. Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.George Burns I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.Lily Tomlin USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.David Letterman. I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.Noel Coward Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. John Galbraith. I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make a board game out of it.Woody Allen Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.Groucho Marx A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done. Fred Allen. I cant even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.Paul Lynde If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.George W Bush If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?Linda Ellerbee I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. Dan Quayle Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.Woody Allen He's the kind of man who picks his friends - to pieces.Mae West Attention to health is life greatest hindrance.Plato

There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.Salvador Dali. The majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. Because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.Larry Flynt In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete. Yakov Smirnoff. The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.Robert R. Coveyou, Oak Ridge National Laboratory I hate music, especially when it's played.Jimmy Durante. This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country.Clint Eastwood. 元贝驾校网 http://www.ybjx.net/km4/mnks/ 元贝驾考 2016 科目四模拟考试 Submitted by Kai MortonLove is always hate but if f**ks u up all the times Submitted by JessicaWelcome to our OOL notice there is no P in it so lets keep it that way I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?"Steven Wright I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.Spike Milligan I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.Steven Wright I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.George Burns So my choice is 'Or Death?' Eddie Izzard

On Opening Day, the President doesn’t throw OUT the first ball. He throws it IN. If he threw it out, it would land in the parking lot and someone would have to go get it.George Carlin Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.Woody Allen The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.Groucho Marx Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches. Jim Carrey. Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. Sue Murphy. It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.George Burns I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. Woody Allen


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